From several months ago, I had this thought, related to my age now, 21. I’ve spent my life for 21 years and I don’t know when the angel of death will pick me up. I should be afraid, but I won’t despair. I should be happy, but I can’t be too proud.
Honestly, I have a plan to do self-reformation. I wanna do self-struggle. I realize that this young age is a very good time to make a change. I realize that Hereafter is my origin place. I should prepare to go home. But.. this is not easy. I’ve got many temptations. I really want to be in a tranquil and quiet place, so I can meditate and contemplate completely. But, my current place is very noisy. Children’s play, girls’ talk, old men’s rage, vehicle’s noise. There’s no opportunity to concentrate well. This is so disturbing.
By the way, I become so fresh in midnight, like now. Reading articles, drinking water, listening to classical music, and writing something. Sadly, I still have no motivation to finish my tasks. Rather, I focus on my blog and short stories. I’m so rebellious now. This is caused by great boredom I’ve had for a long time. I severely got depressed because of this lowly system and that rude man. So, those problems left a big painful scar in me. It sums up and yields a great boredom and laziness. I become an ultimate procrastinator in this fourth year.
Besides self-struggle, I wanna make my dreams come true. I want to be an independent writer, translator, and researcher. Those jobs are suitable for me, based on my real intelligence. I’m not the old Revi, a girl who got first rank in the class, anymore. First rank in the class is not a kind of perfection. That’s delusional sunshine. The real perfection is The Truth, so I’m searching for it. That’s why I become a researcher. Language is the thing that I love and people tend to hate, so I become a translator. Writing is the way I express my mind, so I become a writer.
In this age, the peak of three-phase child education, let me be minister for my own life. Free me from this stupid Minarra system.